Oh No, Not Madoka!
by jcarreau
Summary: Madoka Kaname is in a hairy situation; her friends are in love with her, and her friends are all girls! How will our little sweetheart cope with this development? Alternate universe, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

[First Author's Note: Hello readers. This is Jonathan Carreau, formerly known as xm0123, with a new fanfiction project. Now, the first thing you're probably thinking is, "Why are you writing a Madoka fic? I saw your Youtube review; you said it wasn't in your top five favorite anime field! What givesǃ?" Well you see, I wrote this as a favor to a friend of mine, a friend who ought to know better about signing contracts by now. (whistles innocently.)

Now then, there's something I've noticed about Madoka fics. Namely, they are always one of three things. One, an attempt to recapture the angst of the proper canon. Two, yuri fluff. Three, a combination of the first two. I'm not in the mood for something overly angsty at the moment, and I don't mind writing yuri, so long as there's no smut involved. However, I don't deal in fluff.

Now then, ever since I finished Madoka, I have come to realize a truth about most magical girl animes; all the ones I have seen, save for Princess Tutu, have a _lot_ of lesbian subtext in them, if not outright text-text. I noticed this in Madoka too, as have many other fans. However, a thought came to me as I was researching this franchise; what if someone were to re-imagine the series as a harem comedy? _An all-female harem comedy?_ This is my aim with Oh No, Not Madoka! Not only that, every chapter will also end with an omake for your amusement.

While this is an alternate universe work, do know that I will throw in references to the canon, bits that may outright spoil the show. Heck, the omake for the first chapter gives away crucial plot elements from the actual canon! Ye have been warned! Before reading, please, have at least seen the Madoka anime in its entirety to get full enjoyment out of this. But now, without further ado, I present to you, Oh No, Not Madoka!]

* * *

><p>She couldn't believe how good pink and white looked on her. It felt weird walking in high heels, but she didn't mind, because she was living out her childhood dream; wearing an elegant dress, and dancing in a beautiful ballroom.<p>

As she descended down the stairs to the dance hall, she saw someone else in another dress, a girl in a purple and white dress. She and the other girl stepped onto the dance hall at the same time.

She approached the girl, her long black hair held by a silver tiara with a purple gem encrusted in the center, and made a curtsy. The girl curtsied back and said, "May I have this dance?"

She smiled, "Sure." She held out her hand. Since she was wearing white gloves, she could not feel the bare skin of the girl's hand, but she did not mind.

Even though there were no musicians in sight, "Garland Waltz" by Tchaikovsky started playing. She danced and danced and danced with the girl. The girl in the purple and white dress told her, "You're a very good dancer."

She blushed, "But, I haven't even practiced!"

The girl smiled, "That's okay. You don't need to practice. Your form is already perfect." Hearing this made her giggle.

When the music swelled, the girl dipped her, "Whoa!"

"Has anyone told you how lovely you are?"

"Uhh . . ."

"You're lovely enough to kiss." The girl closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and zeroed in on her lips.

* * *

><p>Madoka sprang up in her bed. She wasn't wearing a dress, just green pajamas. She was holding onto something, but it was just a rabbit plushie, not a girl her age. <em>What a weird dream<em>, she thought.

After slipping on her slip-ons, Madoka went downstairs to find her father, Tomohisa. "Morning, Papa!" She called out.

"Good morning, Madoka!" He said as he was tending to the tomato plants.

Madoka asked, "Where's Mama?"

He looked up in thought, "Probably still in bed. You should help your brother out."

Madoka stood like she was going to salute, "I understand!" and marched off to another part of the house.

Elsewhere, a little boy was standing over a woman in bed. "Mama! Mama!" He exclaimed with a smile on his face.

Madoka swung open the door to the bedroom, marched to the window curtains, and threw them open in a dramatic display of light. She then whisked away her mother's blanket, "Wake up now!" She cheerfully ordered.

Junko threw herself around the bed, "Aaaaagh!" but then noticed the smiling faces of her children, "Good morning, everyone." She lazily murmured.

Junko and Madoka started their routine for getting ready for school and work: shower, clothes, and Madoka's favorite, brushing teeth. Mother and daughter shared the act of brushing teeth together, while discussing life. Junko asked, "So, how are things?"

Madoka answered, "Hitomi-chan got another love letter. That makes two this month."

Junko sounded disgusted, "Guh. Guys who don't have the courage to tell a girl they like her are worthless." They gargled and spat out. Junko then asked, "How's Kazuko?"

"Teacher's still at it. She won't shut up about him during homeroom. This week makes it the three month anniversary, which would be a new record for her. What about you?"

Junko was now applying makeup, "This is a risky time for them. If it's just a fluke, then problems should be showing up right about now. Though if they can get past this, then they should be able to make it through the first year."

Madoka was holding two ribbons, a red one, and a yellow one. She asked, "Which one should I wear?"

Junko pointed to the red one and commented, "If you use that ribbon today, your secret admirers will lose themselves in you."

Madoka frowned, "But, no one ever has for me. I'm not pretty enough for them to look at me like that."

"Nonsense! They're all just scared of approaching you. Act as though you are pretty, then you become pretty. It's how I snagged your father."

Madoka giggled aloud. After the two had fixed themselves up, they came out to the kitchen, where Tomohisa had prepared breakfast for them and Tatsuya. The four ate, then Junko left for work, and Madoka for school shortly after. She had to run to school to avoid being late. Two girls were waiting for her, one with short turquoise hair, the other with somewhat long green hair. Madoka greeted, "Good morning, everyone!"

"Good morning, Madoka-chan." The green-haired girl replied.

The other noticed, "You're late, again. But those are some cute ribbons you got."

Madoka touched her ribbon, "R-Really? You don't think I look silly in this?"

"They're very nice." said the green-haired girl.

"Thanks, Hitomi-chan!" Madoka remembered, "Oh, I talked to my mama about your new secret admirer."

"Really?"

Madoka continued, "Yeah. She said you shouldn't go out with someone who doesn't have the courage to ask you out directly and does so instead with a letter."

Hitomi held her index finger beneath her chin, "Hmm, interesting. What do you think, Sayaka-chan?"

Sayaka answered, "I dunno, so I'll just parrot what Madoka-chan's mom said. She's really cool, after all! She's beautiful (and at her age, too!), and a career woman on top of that!"

Hitomi sighed, "She makes it look so easy."

Sayaka noted, "So do you, Hitomi-chan. I wish I could have your 'problems'."

Madoka added wistfully, "Me too. I wish I could get a love letter, just one. Even if it was from a boy I don't like, it would at least mean that I'm wanted."

Sayaka stated, "If that's the case, maybe you should become a feminine cutie like Hitomi-chan? You've already started with your hair ribbons, right?"

Madoka pouted, "That's not it! My mama suggested-"

Sayaka interrupted with a sly grin, "I bet your mother taught you the secret to being well-liked! You naughty, _naughty_ girl! That's not like you at all, Madoka-chan! You're too cute for that!" She started chasing after Madoka, then hugged her from behind.

Madoka complained, "Hey, stop that, eh heh heh heh heh!" her own complaint was drowned out by her and Sayaka's laughter.

Sayaka suddenly broke in, "I can't! I won't let any boys take you, for you're going to become _my_ wife!" Sayaka also thought, _this feels so good_.

Hitomi politely cleared her throat, and told them, "It's almost time for homeroom."

Madoka and Sayaka stopped. The three entered Mitakihara Middle School.

* * *

><p>Madoka, Sayaka, and Hitomi were in their classroom. Sayaka stretched as she noted, "Ahhhhh, the salt mine itself; gotta love it."<p>

Madoka stated, "I hope we don't have any pop quizzes today."

They sat down at their desks. Other students were coming in, including a girl with glasses. She had long unkempt black hair held with a black headband and tied into two braids. When Madoka saw her, her heart skipped a beat, _That was her in the dream!_ she thought. But the girl looked so different in real life. Madoka could feel her cheeks heat up as the girl approached her, "Morning everyone."

"Good morning, Homura-chan!" Madoka replied, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Sup!"

"Good morning, Homura-chan."

Homura went to her seat without saying anything else. Madoka still couldn't believe that the girl she saw in her dream was quiet, reserved Homura Akemi, of all people. She shook that thought out of her head when the homeroom teacher came in. "Everyone in your seats!" She commanded.

* * *

><p>Lunchbreak was now underway. Madoka, Sayaka, and Hitomi sat together in the cafeteria when Homura approached them, "May I?"<p>

Madoka smiled, "Of course, Homura-chan! You're always welcome!"

Sayaka added, "It's not like you need to ask permission every time! You're someone we trust!"

Homura quietly replied, "Thank you." She sat down with her tray. She ate her food as she listened to the others talking. She thought to herself, _I wish I brought my tape recorder. If I could hear Madoka-chan's voice over and over, it would make me so happy_.

She got lost in thought as she stared at Madoka's face, one radiating cheerfulness. She didn't even notice when her face looked concerned, "Is something wrong, Homura-chan?"

"Uh, no, it's just, you seem to be in a good mood, that's all."

Madoka looked more concerned, "Oh. Are you sad? I can try to make you un-sad."

Sayaka and Hitomi concealed their faces, trying not to laugh. Homura said, "No, it's not that. But when you have the chance, you should teach me to smile like you."

Sayaka couldn't contain her laughter anymore. She managed to say, "Yeah, learn to smile like a complete dork!" in-between her laughter.

Madoka pouted, "That's mean, Sayaka-chan!"

Sayaka replied, "Oh, but I wasn't being mean, little Madoka-chan! That wasn't an insult at you! I just can't picture Homura-chan being cheerful like you!"

Madoka glared, "Now you're being mean to Homura-chan!" She began softly punching Sayaka in the shoulder, "Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!"

All of a sudden, the group's cell phones sounded off like they received a text message. Hitomi looked, "Hey look, we got a text from Sakura-san."

The others looked on their phones and found a similar message:

"Sup! I'm bored, so I figured I tell you something. Remember I said I had a friend my age at your school? Mami Tomoe? She wants to meet you. She lives at {location}. She'll be there right after school. You should definitely go; she has food that is _fantastic_. I'd come myself, but Dad wants me to do stuff later. Peace out."

Madoka remarked, "Hey, this sounds like fun! Any of you up to meeting whoever Mami Tomoe-san is?"

Hitomi stated, "I can't. I'm tied up with clubs today, but maybe some other time."

Sayaka boasted, "I will! Can't hurt to try, won't it?"

Homura murmured, "I can't come. I, uh, wish to concentrate on studying today."

Madoka said, "That's okay. Sayaka-chan and I can scout out for you two."

Homura thought to herself, _please forgive me, Madoka-chan. I'm not good with meeting new __people. If only I had your strength_.

* * *

><p>The school day ended when Hitomi left for clubs, "Bye, Hitomi-chan!" Madoka said as she waved.<p>

She, Sayaka, and Homura went outside the campus. Homura told the others, "This is my fork in the road. I'll see you tomorrow."

Madoka replied, "Yeah, see you tomorrow, Homura-chan!"

Once Homura had gone home, Sayaka looked on her cell phone, "Kyoko-san's friend's place shouldn't be too far from here. She even goes to the same school as us."

"I wonder if we'll recognize her."

Kyoko's instructions led the pair in front of a large apartment building. Sayaka noted, "This friend of hers must be loaded to live here." They stepped into the entrance and found the buzzer.

Sayaka picked the apartment number Kyoko said in her email and buzzed in. A young female voice asked, "Who is it?"

"It's Kyoko-san's friends. You in?"

The girl on the other side of the line said, "The front door's unlocked. You may let yourselves in."

"Okay!" Madoka ended. She and Sayaka proceeded to the girl's apartment, "She sounded very nice! I can't wait to meet her!"

"Yeah, she sounded like nobility." They approached the door into her apartment, "This is a Western place, right? Do I have to take my shoes off?"

"I don't know."

They stepped in. The duo was taken aback by what they saw; an apartment furnished with lavish goods, walls painted to reflect light, and a blonde-haired girl sitting by a large kotatsu, "Salutations. I am Mami Tomoe. You must be Kyoko-san's friends."

Madoka bowed, "Uh huh! I'm Madoka Kaname, pleased to meet you!"

Sayaka smiled and pointed her thumb at herself, "And I'm Sayaka Miki!"

Mami said, "I am so glad that you could both make it here. Please, come sit by the kotatsu."

The guests, after slipping off their shoes, came by to Mami, "Wow! Your house is so pretty!" Madoka remarked.

"Thank you."

Sayaka asked, "So, are you the only person here?"

Mami answered, "Yes. My father works overseas, and my mother works until the late evening on weekdays. I usually watch over the apartment at this time of day." There was a pitcher of tea on the kotatsu, as well as teacups. Mami poured some tea, "You may drink as much as you like."

"Thanks!" After the three refreshed themselves, Sayaka asked, "So, what are we gonna do now?"

Mami came back with a question of her own, "I don't know, what do you normally do when you get together?"

Madoka started with, "Usually, Sayaka-chan and I . . ."

By this moment, Mami had become lost in thought, _Sayaka Miki-chan is certainly spirited, but she lacks that special something. Madoka Kaname-chan on the other hand_.

* * *

><p>(door closes) "Help me, Mami! I'm shivering!"<p>

(gasp) "Madoka! How long have you been out in the rain?"

(sniffle) "I don't know, but I'm chilled to the bone!"

"Hang on, sweetie, I'll draw you a hot bath!"

(sniff) "Thank you, dear."

"It's all set. I'll get you a new change of clothes."

"Awwwwwww. This is just what I needed."

"Here, let me blow dry your hair."

"Be sure to ruffle it up too. By the way, I'm hungry, what's to eat?"

"How about pancakes? With syrup and butter?"

"Oooohhhhhhhh! That's my favorite! I'm so happy, I could cry!"

"Anything for you, my adorable lovebug-"

* * *

><p>-"There was that one time Hitomi-chan spent the night, and we tried playing Gran Turismo on my papa's Playstation. I lost, though."<p>

Sayaka broke in, "Geez man, how long have you been rambling? Our hostess is starting to look bored!"

Mami put her hands up, waving them, "Oh, don't worry about me! We can continue having a conversation if that's what you want." The three of them stayed at Mami's for a while longer.

* * *

><p>"Byeeee~" Madoka said as she and Sayaka parted ways.<p>

Sayaka had a beaming smile on her face, _It was nice meeting Mami Tomoe-san, but the only reason I even did that was . . . I just can't separate myself from my sweetheart! I'll go anywhere she does at this point! Oh, wait . . . don't I have to talk to Kyousuke-san about . . . this? Eh, that can wait later! __I'm running high on life right now!_

Meanwhile, back at Mami's apartment, the blonde girl was thinking, _I'm so happy right now. Is this what they call love at first sight? Madoka Kaname-chan is so charming, I can't stop thinking about her! Who would've thought my true love would be . . . another girl? But I don't mind, because she just makes me feel so . . . alive!_

And in Homura's apartment, the black-haired girl was holding onto a pillow while sitting on her bed, _It's so strange. When I'm with you, I feel relaxed, knowing you're fine, but at the same time, your presence, makes my heart race. It's like you make me relaxed . . . yet enthralled at the same time. In short, that makes them the reasons I need you, Madoka-chan._

[Omake for chapter 1: How you can tell this fanfic is an AU]

_I need you, Madoka-chan_.

"I can make your desire come true," Kyubey said, while licking itself, "If you make the contract with me."

Homura gasped, "R-Really? You can make her . . . feel for me the way I feel for her?"

Kyubey, blankly staring, answered, "Yes. Of course, you will need to fight witches to survive, but if you become a Puella Magi, I can make that happen."

[a few days later]

_Superpowers, and hugs and cuddles with my favorite pinkhead . . . I'm the happiest girl in the world!_

[A few days later]

Walpurgis Night just powned Homura. As she lay dying, her last thoughts were _I hate you, Kyubey. If I had known the price for hardcore yuri-ism would've been this, then I would've hacked your hide to pieces instead. I just hope that Madoka and I can reunite in Puella Magi Heaven. Mmm, Puella Magi Heaven; there's gotta be more yuri-inclined magical girls there_.

[one day later]

Mitakihara City was in ruin. Most people survived, but were now living in shelters. Madoka was hiding in a restroom stall, sitting in a fetal position and crying. Then Kyubey appeared, "I bring news. A powerful witch was killed, but your love interest perished."

Madoka said through tears, "Homura . . . Homura . . ." then became incomprehensible through her crying.

Kyubey continued, "It doesn't have to be this way, Madoka Kaname. If you were to become a Puella Magi, you could undue all the damage and all the heartache you are experiencing. Just wish for it, and I will make it happen.

[A few days later]

Kyubey saw Earth burning, "Kriemhild Gretchen; it's been centuries since a witch this powerful emerged. Although this planet is doomed, the emotional release from the Earth people should be enough to offset entropy for a little while. Now to seek another world."

[Bad End.]

[Author's Note: This is how the series _could_ have ended. Be grateful Urobuchi-san, for once, felt a _little_ forgiving for the masses when making the series.]


	2. Chapter 2

Sayaka couldn't understand why she felt so meek right now. _I'm over him._ Maybe it was because of their past? Regardless, she stepped into the room, "Hey." She said.

The boy in the bed said back, "Hey there."

Sayaka pulled up a chair and sat next to him, "Getting any better, Kyousuke-san?"

Kyousuke replied, "A tiny bit. I should be able to go back to school in about a week."

Sayaka reacted, "But, your arm! Can you even use it?"

Kyousuke answered, "I'll be fine. I can move around in crutches just fine. The kind of exercise you get from moving around school is exactly what I need if I'm to get better."

Sayaka smiled, "Hmm, yeah. I can't wait to hear your next performance."

"Uh huh."

Sayaka looked nervous, "Say, um, Kyousuke-san, this may sound a little crazy, but uh, while we're here privately, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"What's that?"

Sayaka started with, "Well, have you ever noticed that I seem to be your biggest fan?"

Kyousuke responded, "Yeah, you certainly are. Outside of my family and the local reporters, you champion me more than anyone else."

Sayaka became flushed, "Well that's because . . . back in the day, you were . . . the first boy I ever, well, was interested in. Romantically."

Kyousuke became startled, "Wha-what? Are you serious?"

"Yes, totally serious! To see such a beautiful young man play the violin in such an impeccable manner, it was too much for me! I wasn't even interested in music before I saw you play. Thanks to you, I developed a taste for classical European music."

Kyousuke laughed, "I'm very flattered to hear all that, but, did you say you used to like me . . . like that? It sounded like past tense."

Sayaka smiled out of embarrassment, "Yeah. Sometime before your accident, I . . . found someone else. Someone more to my liking. And I'm gonna make a move on him," _despite actually being a __her_ "pretty soon, it's just that, you don't have such feelings for me, do you?"

Kyousuke said, "Nah. Sure, I like you, and I appreciate all the support you've given me, but, you're not really my type, girlfriend-wise that is."

Sayaka let out a deep breath, "Oh good! That means I can pursue my new flame without any guilt."

Kyousuke said, "Yes, do that. I'll concentrate on getting better in the meantime."

Sayaka giggled, "Hee hee! Yeah. Listen, I got homework to do, so I should be taking off." She stood up and walked out, "Bye!" She said as she waved.

"See you later."

As Sayaka walked down the hall, she thought, _Thank you, Kyousuke-san. With your blessing, little __Madoka-chan will be __mine!_

* * *

><p>It was a Saturday, meaning school would be out earlier. This gave Mami more time to herself in her apartment, though she wouldn't spend her time all alone. Sometime after school ended, a red-haired girl slipped in, "Hiyooooo!~ What is up, Tomo!"<p>

Mami was relaxing on the sofa watching television, "Hi Kyoko-san. You're as energetic, and lacking in manners, as ever." She said that with a smile.

Kyoko slightly frowned, "_What?_ Dad said words alone don't measure your moral character. You know, in some other places in the world, people aren't so obsessed with how to address each other like Japanese people are?"

Mami responded, "I understand. It's just that I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of you. I know you're not a troublemaker," _most of the time_ "but what if someone thought you were some kind of delinquent?" She then stood up and went to the kitchen, "My mom made some cake. Care to join in?"

Kyoko sat by the kotatsu, "Nah. I brought my own snacks." She laid out an apple and a box of pocky sticks, "Can't go wrong with these!"

Kyoko bit into her apple as Mami was getting some cake out, "Kyoko-san, I feel so peace at mind right now."

Kyoko responded, "Let me guess; your period just ended."

Mami chuckled, "Not that. Kyoko-san, have you ever been so happy, that you feel like you're floating on air?"

Kyoko had reduced her apple to its core, "Sure I have! Every time I eat pizza with sausage and artichoke hearts, I feel that way too!"

Mami laughed some more, "Of course! But it's just that, it's been so long since the last time I was this happy. I think it's because Kaname-chan and Miki-chan are such good friends of yours. Say, didn't you say you know two other girls from our school?"

Kyoko, now swallowing a stick of pocky, answered, "Yeah, there's two others in their posse. There's Hitomi, who's known Madoka and Sayaka for a while, at least longer than me. She's kind of like you; acts all noble and stuff. She's not as manly as Sayaka, but she's not a frightened little kitten like Madoka either."

Mami giggled, "I shouldn't laugh, but that's so funny!"

Kyoko responded, "Yeah, but it's the truth. Anyway, the other girl is their newest friend, Homura. They met earlier in the school year. Homura doesn't talk much; she's the kind who won't take any initiative unless if she has to, and she doesn't make eye contact with you when you talk to her either. I think she might have social anxiety disorder, it's worse than generic shyness."

Mami looked concerned, "Oh, the poor dear! Then, how did she meet you all?"

Kyoko continued, "The only reason she even is with us is because Madoka is in her class, and since Pinky is the health rep, one day, she had to escort Homura to the nurse's office for something, that's how they met."

Mami had come to the kotatsu with a plate of cake, "What else can you tell me about them?"

Kyoko said, "Hitomi is in a lot of clubs, and Homura, well, I don't know her that well. Wait! I think she lives with her mom and no one else, I think Madoka said something about that."

Mami ate some cake, "If I have the chance, I'll see if I can meet these other girls." _If I am to make Madoka-chan my bride, I may as well familiarize myself with her friends first._

* * *

><p>The results of the math examination were in. One by one, the students were called up for their papers. Eventually, Saotome called out, "Madoka Kaname-san!" Madoka casually strolled up to her teacher. Saotome whispered, "What happened? Were you feeling bad that day?"<p>

Madoka looked at her paper, "UWAAAAAAHǃ?" She retreated to her seat, shrinking away.

Saotome announced, "Those of you with failing grades may retake the exam tomorrow. I suggest you do so, so study like you mean it!"

By the next break, Sayaka asked Madoka, "So, how'd you do? I'm guessing by your face, not good."

Madoka's voice was weak, "Promise you won't laugh?" Sayaka nodded. She showed the paper.

Sayaka was surprised, "A 37? _Whaaaaatǃ?_"

Madoka was on the brink of tears, "Please don't say it out loud!"

Sayaka waved, "Oh come on, you did better than me! I got a 28!"

Madoka became more distressed, "Oh no! We've become idiots, Sayaka-chan! Idiot friends in math!"

Sayaka consoled, "Wait, grades aren't necessarily a gauge of intelligence! It's a gauge of how lazy you are, more than anything else! We just need to be less academically lazy!"

Madoka stated, "But how? How can we make ourselves succeed tomorrow? I feel like . . . like I'll fall into despair at this rate!"

_Ah, classic Madochin. How could I ignore that plea for help?_ Sayaka suggested, "We should thank Sakura-san for the other day, for we now know someone who's a senpai who should be able to help us ace this exam."

* * *

><p>Lunchbreak was underway. Madoka, Sayaka, Hitomi, and Homura had sat together to eat lunch again when a blonde-haired senior appeared, "Hello everyone!"<p>

Madoka saw Mami looking at them, "Oh, Tomoe-san! What a surprise! Come, join us!"

_Oh yes, how inviting of her_, Mami thought as she sat down. The girls made small talk, before Sayaka brought up, "Oh hey, you're our senpai, tell me, could you help me with my math studies? I'm, uh, in need of some help."

"Me too!" Madoka bursted out loud.

Homura said, "I also need help with math."

Mami was not expecting this much attention._ But since Kaname-chan asked, I will. I can't look bad to her friends, either._ She smiled, "I would be happy to help!"

"YES!" Sayaka exclaimed. "When can you help us?"

Mami looked away in thought, "Well, you could come to my place again, and bring Akemi-chan with you." She looked at Homura, "You'll feel welcome at my home."

Homura murmured, "Thank you."

Mami looked at Hitomi, "Shizuki-chan was it? Would you also like to study with us?"

Hitomi shook her head, "No thanks. I passed the exam."

Sayaka eyed her, "Really? What did you get?"

"A 93."

Madoka opened her eyes wide, "Wow, that's amazing, Hitomi-chan! If only we had your abilities!"

Hitomi mentioned, "Eh heh heh heh, thank you! I can hand over my notes if you like."

Sayaka shouted, "Please do! Please do!"

"Ha ha ha, sure thing. I hope this helps too."

When the lunch period ended, Mami parted ways with the others. Madoka asked, "Homura-chan, how did you do on your math test?"

Homura replied, "I . . . I . . . I don't wanna say."

Sayaka asked, "Why not? You embarrassed? Don't be! We failed! It's okay if you did too, at least we can retake it."

Madoka noted, "But you don't have to tell us if you don't want to. We're not forcing you to. And I'm sure Tomoe-san can help us all."

Homura thought, _why are you so kind to me, Kaname-chan? I don't deserve it_.

* * *

><p>After school, the trio proceeded to Mami's apartment. Homura looked unsure of herself, "I've never been down here before."<p>

Sayaka said, "Neither had we until just recently. I didn't know there were such nice apartments here! Makes me jealous."

Madoka, Sayaka, and Homura approached the call box, buzzed in, then let themselves into Mami's apartment. The blonde upperclassmen greeted, "Welcome everyone! Have a seat, and we'll get started with your studies."

Everyone was seated by the kotatsu, with books, papers, and school supplies laid out. Mami asked, "So what math subject was giving you so much trouble?"

"All of them." Sayaka mumbled.

Mami giggled loudly, "I need you to be more specific!" She said between her laughter.

Madoka pulled out her exam paper, "Here. This is what we were tested on. Sayaka-chan's score isn't any better."

Mami looked at the paper, "Hmm, you've made many common mistakes for beginners on these particular problems." She looked at Sayaka and Homura, "Gather around. I'll show you how to do these right."

The girls gathered around Mami as she tutored them on their mathematics. Sayaka looked out of the corner of her eye, noticing something, _Wait a second, look at this. She's not focusing on me at all. That's Madoka-chan's paper she's looking at, not mine! Tomoe-san is doing what I can't, curry brownie points concerning a school assignment! It's almost like . . . like she's trying to take her away from me! Wait, what am I thinkingǃ? A girl wouldn't want another girl unless . . . no, even other girls besides me want to give Madoka-chan huggles? Well then, if that's the case, I'll just have to prepare for even that. I must step up my game! Watch me, Kyousuke-san!_ She then grabbed her exam paper, "Oh, sorry to interrupt Senpai, But could you see what I did wrong with this problem here?" She pointed to a math problem she had botched on her paper.

Mami glanced over, "I've already gone over that. You need more help there?"

Madoka's cell phone beeped. "Oh! A text!" She checked it, "Sorry, everyone! It looks like I need to do some things back home right now."

_Huhǃ?_

_Whatǃ?_

_Nowǃ? But I was just about to find out if Tomoe-san was obsessing over you! _

Mami stated, "Well, if it's important, you should go then. Will you be fine tomorrow when you do the re-take?"

Madoka smiled, "Uh huh! I can always ask my mama and papa for help too; they're really good at helping me out!" She gathered her things and bid her friends farewell.

Mami continued to help out Sayaka and Homura, all the while thinking, _it's just so lifeless without her. I'm so attached to her, I can't be at my best without her!_

Sayaka thought, _this is boring._

Homura thought, _what can I do to make you appreciate me, Kaname-chan?_

Later that day, Sayaka said, "Well, it's getting a little late. I'll be going now."

"Me too."

Mami bid the two farewell. As Homura and Sayaka walked back down the apartment complex, Homura asked, "How long have you known Kaname-chan?"

Sayaka looked in thought, "Oh? Uh, four, five years now? Dang, I already lost track! Well, we were in third grade when we first met, so, yeah, a while."

"What . . . sort of things does she like?"

Sayaka looked puzzled, "Things? Well, she like dainty things. And I know she doesn't like it whenever I or Hitomi-chan tease her. And she does like sweets, must be why Sakura-san told her about Tomoe-san now that I think about it." _Hold on a second, is she just trying to get information out of me?_ "Wait, why are you asking me? Why not ask her yourself?"

Homura looked away, "Well, I was going to, but she left early, and I don't wanna bother her with a text."

Sayaka shrugged, "Fair enough."

The two parted ways eventually. Homura thought to herself, _if I am to get Kaname-chan's attention, I will need to make myself more approachable, but how?_

[Omake for Chapter 2: The Madoka Fanclub]

The tea ceremony room at Mitakihara Midle school was occupied by Homura, Sayaka, and Mami. They drank tea and were talking exuberantly about something, "And the little squeaks she makes whenever she's distressed!"

"And I love how she's so short and so beautiful at the same time!"

"And I adore the clothes she wears when she's not in her school uniform! Kawaiiiiiii~!"

Kyoko slipped up, "Whatcha doin' guys?"

Mami looked at her, "We're having a Madoka Fan Club get-together."

Kyoko was confused, "Madoka Fan Club get-together?"

Sayaka said, "Something about the pinkhead draws lesbian and bisexual girls to her. We don't know exactly what, but she does, and we're here to obsess over her."

Homura added, "And even though we recognize her wonderfulness, know that in the end, there can be only one! And I will be that one! . . . to win."

Kyoko still looked confused, "Uh, huh. Well, it's cool that you're all crushing on a fellow girl, I got no problem with that, but uh, you see, I'm old-fashioned; only interested in boys."

Sayaka made her sly grin, "Oh? That's not what the fanboys say about _us_, Kyoko."

Kyoko screwed her face, "Stupid fans! Seeing subtext where there is none! I can at least see you ditching Violin Boy for Madoka, but me? I thought you hated me!"

Mami filled in, "Under normal circumstances, she would, but talking about our goddess makes us feel too good to act on our anger."

Kyoko then asked, "So, let me get this straight, you all love a moeblob?"

Homura answered, "Not just any moeblob, _the_ moeblob."

Kyoko stated, "Okay. Sure, I'll admit, Madoka's cute, but let's be honest with ourselves here; when it comes to lovable moe girls, Madoka is no Kotomi Ichinose."

Silence. A deafening silence befell the room as the eyes of Mami, Sayaka, and Homura bore through the girl with burgundy hair. All of a sudden, Homura stood up, pointed her index finger at Kyoko, and shouted, "KILL THE BLASPHEMER!"

"WAAAAGH!" Kyoko screamed as she ran out. She was being pursued by three wrathful girls in the process, "Ironic that you would call me a blasphemer, seeing as how I'm the only Christian in the entire group!"

Sayaka retorted, "Doesn't matter! Those Key girls are but mere _hacks_ compared to Madokami!"

Kyoko stopped and threw her hands up, "Okay, fine! I repent! Just don't kill me! You can all get lovey dovey over Madoka, it's just . . . she's not my type. Even if I was into girls, she wouldn't be my type."

Sayaka remarked, "Yeah, that's what I thought. Trying to diss my homegirl, we've been BFFs for years! Ain't no one gonna take her from me!"

Mami retorted, "Maybe so, but you're a terrible homemaker. Madoka-chan needs someone who can make her meals and fix her bed when she's away."

Homura noted, "Why even do that? Why not just teach her those things, so that she can become a better person?"

A staredown occurred between the three. They then formed a dogpile. Kyoko took out some pocky, "Now _this_ is entertainment."

[Author's note: And now everyone knows that I don't think "SayaKyou" makes any sense. I have become a marked man.

As for the rest of this fic, as you've probably noticed, this fic's structured like a visual novel. We're in the "common route" right now. This should end by part four or part five hopefully. Then after that, there will be one chapter for each ending route, but which one is the true route? Wait to find out.]


	3. Chapter 3

It was the late evening in the Akemi home. Mrs. Akemi was present, putting the finishing touches on dinner. Her slightly worn face was not enough to damper the smile on her face. Her daughter, who eerily looked like a younger version of her, stepped in. "Welcome back!" She greeted, "I'm sure homework has made you hungry, huh?"

"Yeah." S_he is my mother. She can't turn against me for what I'm about to tell her, will she?_ Homura faced her mother and finally said with trepidation, "Mom, there's something I need to tell you."

[line]

Sunday afternoon, a time of no school. A time to relax, catch up with friends, and unwind from the rigors of study. This is what ran through Kyoko's mind she received a text message. It was sent from Homura, "Sakura-san, I need to speak with you in private. Meet me at {X}. I'll buy lunch."

Kyoko obliged. The location was odd though; the rooftop of Homura's school. Kyoko appeared, and saw Homura waiting for her, with two lunch trays in hand. The black-haired girl said, "So you came to eat lunch with the weird girl after all?"

Kyoko smiled, "That depends; am I the weird one here?"

Homura looked away, "Sorry; I've been under a lot of duress lately. It's good to know you're here."

Kyoko sat down next to her, "It's what friends are for." She then commented, "Hey, where are your glasses?"

Homura answered, "These are contacts. Do you like my look?"

"Eh."

Homura noted, "That's not what I'm here for. I need you to help me out right now."

"How?"

Homura gripped her miniskirt, "It would help me," She took in a deep breath, "if you were to listen to my selfish desire."

Kyoko dug into the lunch she was offered, "What? You wanna keep Gackt all to yourself?"

Homura said, "Nothing like that. Or actually, maybe so. Well, you see," she became unsteady, "There's . . . someone I know, someone that you could say I've come to admire very much."

Kyoko giggled, "Oh man! I know where this is going! So then, who's the lucky guy?"

Homura blushed, "Um, it's not a guy."

"E-Eh? Really?"

Homura faced the red-haired girl, "There's nothing weird about that, is there?"

Kyoko put her hands behind her head, "Nah. Considering how most men in my life are, I'm honestly not surprised. In fact, that may've even been in one of my dad's sermons, now that I think about it."

Homura smirked, "Heh! Well, you see, there's a friend of mine, a girl my age. She . . . she is everything I am not. I can't talk to people easily, but she on the other hand, she's friendly, warm, cheerful, kind, sweet, and-"

"-Is she hot?"

Homura answered, "No! Uh, you're prettier than she is."

Kyoko blushed, "Oh! Ha! Thanks!"

The girl continued, "But it's not her physical body that I'm in love with! It's her soul! I'm in love with her soul! She's the nicest, friendliest person ever! Every morning, every night that I'm away from her, I think, 'I wonder how she's doing? Is she happy right now? She's not hurt, is she?' My one real reason for coming to school is, well, she is in my class, but, I don't know what to do! I keep thinking all of these ways to approach her, to tell her how I feel, and what to do if she accepts me, or rejects me, and, and, I'm in a rut!"

Kyoko listened in to all of this, "Hmm. Now, I'm not a psychologist, but I think I might be able to help you."

"I know what you're gonna say; I'm too young for this, aren't I?"

Kyoko responded, "No, not that. If anything, what you're experiencing is quite normal, but I think I know what's wrong; you've done nothing. You've been obsessing over this girl, but you don't even know what to do."

Homura murmured, "But I can't help it. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Kyoko looked her in the eyes, "Tell me, what is your objective? What is it that you want out of this?"

Homura's hands started shaking, "I . . . I . . ." she stood up,

"**I WANT TO GIVE HER HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!**"

Kyoko exclaimed, "Whoa there! Calm the hell down!"

Homura sat back down, "But it's true! I wanna snuggle with her and tell her that she's special! I wanna make a strawberry shortcake, just for her! I wanna go to the amusement park with her!"

Kyoko laughed, "Ha ha! Well, if this girl is as nice as you say she is, just let her know. And even if she doesn't want that kind of relationship, I don't think she'll avoid you because of that. Who knows? Maybe she might help you find someone even better!"

"That's impossible!" Homura snapped. "There's no one on this Earth I could possibly love as much as her!" She looked down in resignation, "But fine. I'll do it . . . I'll do what my heart wants." She stood up, "Thank you, Sakura-san. If you'll excuse me, I must go back home." She walked away, back into the school building.

Kyoko got on her feet, "It's Madoka, isn't it?"

Homura let out a sharp gasp, then looked back, "How . . . how?"

Kyoko threw up her arms, "Who else in your posse could be that sweet? And also, why bring this up to me, when you get along with her better-oh right, it's a secret from her. Well, if it's her you want, I wanna warn you about something."

Homura turned around, "What?"

"She's more popular than you realize. I don't think you're the only one admiring her from a distance."

Homura smiled, "Thank you. I will keep that in mind." She walked off.

Kyoko sighed, _This can't end well_.

[line]

Sunday was a special day for Sayaka. It was the day she would spend the night with Madoka, and tell her the truth. She came over to the Kaname household in the evening, played some video games, and eventually changed into her pajamas. She would have a "pajama party" with Madoka first.

It was dark outside. Sayaka was cuddling a pillow inside Madoka's room when she began to speak wistfully, "Hey Madoka, do you remember how we first met?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

_I still remember it very clearly. I was still in elementary school. One day during recess, some kids were making fun of me, saying mean things about me. I was on the ground, crying, like I usually did, which only made them hate me even more. This cycle broke when a kid I didn't recognize went up to them and shouted, "Hey, back off! You have no right to do something like this!" One of them said, "What are ya gonna do, tell on us?" The kid reacted, "No, I'm gonna punch you in the mouth if you don't leave her alone, now scram!" The bullies were scared and left. The kid was a girl based on the uniform, yet she looked like a boy to me. She stood over me and offered a hand, "Are you okay?" I nodded, and stood up._

_Shortly afterwards, she said her name was Sayaka. She was in a different class from me at the time, but we always spent time with each other. She would protect me from bullies, and I would entertain __her as best I could. Mama and Papa came to like her, too, so I knew she was a good kid. Nowadays, she looks a little more girlish, yet is still much more forward than I ever could be._

Madoka said, "It's been a long time now, hasn't it?"

"Uh huh." Sayaka was blushing, "Hey, I know we can trust each other with secrets. Say, you remember, him, right?"

"Kamijou-san? Of course!" Madoka made a lovey-dovey face, "How could I forget your hopelessness about him?"

Sayaka chuckled, "Yeah! Well, here's the thing, I don't feel that connection with him anymore."

Madoka paused. She looked confused, "Why not?"

Sayaka looked away, "Because I didn't realize what I already had. I already have someone who helps me when I'm down, who holds me when I feel bad . . . Whoa! I'm all out of words!"

Madoka giggled, "But, there aren't any other boys I've seen you with that you've wanted to be with! Tell me, who could possibly steal your affection of Kamijou-san away?"

Sayaka's face was now blushing deeply. She stammered, "Have I ever told you I can also fall in love with girls?"

Madoka began blushing herself, "Huh? No, uh, you didn't. But, is that true?"

"Uh huh!"

Madoka was looking around nervously, "So, is it someone I know?"

"I'm looking at her right now." Sayaka blurted out.

Madoka's face was now beet red, and her eyes were as wide as humanly possible. She giggled, "Heh heh! Heh heh! That's a joke, right Sayaka-chan? Aren't you gonna bop yourself on the head and say you confused me with Kamijou-san now?"

Sayaka faced Madoka, "I wouldn't joke about something as serious as love, you know that." Madoka was rendered speechless. Sayaka added, "You don't have to give me an answer right now. I'll wait 'til you're ready."

Madoka's mind was still blank. Even when the lights had gone out, and she was in bed, she was restless. _Mama was right. I do have an admirer after all! But, of all people, it was . . . my best friend? What will I do?_

[line]

Homura was studying an online ordering catalog. She was looking up dresses to rent. She found one for a girl her age, "That one should be good for me." She checked the dimensions and sizes, "Yeah, that should fit."

[line]

Mami was looking in the mirror, fixing her hair, _I've got to tell her!_ She thought, _Even if she rejects me, I can't keep it a secret any longer! I must tell her! The universe compels me to do so!_ She picked up her backpack, ready for another day of school.

[line]

Chapter #3 Omake: The difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

Kyoko got on her feet, "It's Madoka, isn't it?"

Homura let out a sharp gasp, then looked back, "How . . . how?"

Kyoko threw up her arms, "Who else in your posse could be that sweet? But seriously, _her?_ You wanna sex _her_ up?"

Homura gagged, "Eww, no! I said I wanted to give her hugs, not orgasms!"

Kyoko's mind blanked out at the thought of Madoka experiencing an orgasm; such a thing should not even be possible. I mean, how could that even work? _No, Homura-chan! That's a very sensitive-__OH!_

Kyoko's breath hastened as she imagined Madoka's voice going _mmmmmmmmm, you're so __wonderful, Homura-chan~._

Homura (in reality) tilted her head, "What's wrong, Sakura-san?"

Kyoko was clutching her upper chest, "I don't know why, but the thought of you having pillow talk with Madoka," she then dashed off, "I NEED A BUNK!"

[Author's Note: nosebleeds are soooooo unrealistic.

Okay, this is now officially the weirdest thing I have ever published on . There is a reason for this story, but you won't find out until two chapters later. There will be one more chapter in the Common Route, then there will be a Homura route. Then . . . _you will learn everything_. Then there will be a Sayaka route, a Mami route, a "True End" route, and a bonus end, all with omake bits attached to them. I now feel embarrassed for writing this! ^^; (Great, now I'm using the emoticons Madoka used in my other Puella Magi fanfic series. . .)

But another thing; some of the things you see, I didn't pull out of thin air. Like in the last chapter, Madoka and Sayaka sucking at math is canon. Go to the Puella Magi wiki, look up the second audio CD, and see for yourself.

Also, in this chapter, the flashback to how Madoka and Sayaka first met is, again, not entirely my own fanon. Look up the Madoka novel (not manga) series if you don't believe me. Lastly, just a little note, normally, I don't listen to music when I write. I find it distracts me from my craft, but for this chapter, I actually listened to a piece. When I wrote Madoka's flashback, I listened to "Two Sugars" from the soundtrack of Little Busters. I believe you can listen to this piece on Youtube. Go back and read it with that playing to hear what I heard while writing that. By the way, off-topic, but I'm looking forward to the Little Busters anime.]


	4. Chapter 4

Morning was upon Madoka as she sprang out of bed. She picked up her school uniform when, "Hi."

Sitting at her desk was a smiling Sayaka, already changed into her school uniform. "Oh! You're up early! And you already showered?"

Sayaka said, "Yeah." She leaned back in the chair, "I could get used to this; waking up to a bewildered you, maybe next time, I'll prepare breakfast for you?"

Madoka giggled, "That won't be necessary! Papa always does that for me, remember?"

Sayaka looked awkward, "Oh yeah, huh? Well, I can't think straight right now."

Madoka prepared for school. She and Sayaka left after Junko left for work. As they walked, Madoka looked at the ground, "Uh, Sayaka-chan, about last night," Her voice became low in volume, "I do believe you when you say you moved on from Kamijou-san, er, kun, but, I don't know what to make what of you told me last night, I like that you feel this way about me, since I was getting worried that no boys, er, well, anyone was interested in romance with me, but this is really sudden, and I don't know what to say to your offer, and I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

"Eh heh heh heh heh! That's what I like about you! Always so honest!"

Madoka blushed, "Really? You think so?"

"I know so!"

The two of them met up with Hitomi and went to their classroom.

* * *

><p>The bell rang, signifying the end of the school day. Madoka and Sayaka approached Homura, "Well, class is over! What are you gonna do, Homura-chan?"<p>

Homura was arranging the items in her backpack, "Oh, me? I joined a club. Tea ceremony club. I have to be going now."

Sayaka looked pleased, "Really? Tea ceremony? Say hi to Hitomi for us!"

"I will!" Homura stood up straight, "Well, I'm see you tomorrow!"

"Bye!"

Sayaka put her hands on her hips, "She's finally moving up. I'm so proud of her!"

"Heh heh! Yeah! So, what will you do now?"

Sayaka said, "Well, only club I'm in is the 'go straight home after school' school, so I'll do that and get some homework done. Don't want my family losing their heads over my grades again, so I guess I'll take off too. And remember," She whispered suggestively, "My offer's still good."

Madoka blushed and responded, "Okay. Take care of yourself, Sayaka!"

The two parted ways. The pink-haired girl went to the entrance of the school, where the school lockers were at. When she opened her shoe locker, a paper fell out. "Huh?" She uttered. She picked it up. There was a message written.

Dear Madoka Kaname. I am in love with you. Please don't hate me.

At first, Madoka assumed it was a prank from Sayaka, but then she noticed, this letter wasn't in Sayaka's handwriting, yet she recognized it, "This is . . . Homura-chan's handwriting!" _Did Sayaka trick her into writing this? Or . . . Am I a magnet . . . for lesbians? Am I like Mama, but desirable to the same sex? But I thought girls didn't like girls like me!_

Her head was spinning (metaphorically) on the way home. After arriving home, eating dinner, and finishing her homework, she opened up her cell phone. She composed a text message, "I got your letter Homura-chan! That's really sweet of you! ^_^ I don't know what to say, though. Let me think about it first, okay? Thank you!"

* * *

><p>It was the next day of school. Lunchbreak was going on, and Madoka felt uneasy sitting with her friends. She knew an awful truth about her two best friends, even though they still carried themselves like usual. On the outside, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.<p>

The warning bell rang, signifying the end of lunchbreak. The girls were exiting the cafeteria when, "Kaname-san." Mami called out.

"You go on ahead." Madoka told Sayaka, Hitomi, and Homura. She looked at Mami, "What is it?"

"Would you like to come over later today? I can help you with any projects you may have?"

Madoka felt at ease with Mami. "Will you be having another party?"

Mami shook her head, "Oh no! That's too much stress! I want to get to know my new companions on a one-to-one basis, if you don't mind."

Madoka put an index finger to her chin, "Mmmmmmm, okay! I remember the way! After school, right?"

"Uh huh. Meet me after final period is over."

* * *

><p>"It sure is busy at this time of day." Mami observed. She and Madoka were walking down the street. Cars and people were jostling everywhere.<p>

"Uh huh." The two of them had arrived at Mami's complex. The sempai invited the kouhai into her home, "I still can't get over how nice your house is!"

"Yes, Mom and Dad work very hard for our living." Mami said. "Have a seat."

After slipping her shoes off, Madoka sat on a sofa. She noticed the television across from where she was sitting, "Wow, that's bigger than the tv at my house! How clear is-Whuh!"

Madoka felt two hands caressing her shoulders from behind, "Please, relax. Don't think about school, or homework, or boys, or anything else right now. Just relax."

The feel of Mami's thumbs upon her back made Madoka's tension disappear. "Thanks, Tomoe-san."

"Oh please, call me Mami!" She stopped massaging her guest, "Is there anything you would like to eat? Or drink?"

"A cookie would be good."

"Very good choice." Mami brought a tray filled with sugar cookies.

"Thank you!" Madoka took a cookie and ate it.

Mami sat next to her on the couch, "Do you like the furniture? It adds a Western touch."

"Uh huh!"

Mami then looked straight ahead, almost morose, "Tell me, are there . . . any boys, you have in mind."

"Uh, you mean, like, anyone I'm in love with? No, not right now."

Mami, still looking serious, asked, "Have you ever been in love?"

Madoka shifted in her seat, "Yeah. Once, a couple of years ago, there was this guy in my class. He was really really really cute. I didn't know what to say, so during lunchbreak, I just went up to him and said, 'I love you! I wanna marry you!'"

Mami laughed a belly laugh, "I'm sorry! That must be really embarrassing for you to share!"

Madoka playfully waved her hand, "No, no, Sayaka-chan had the same reaction when she found out! Anyway, he didn't say anything to me for a while. One of his friends eventually said he wanted nothing to do with me. I was devastated. I cried so much that evening. I don't think I've ever been so depressed in my life."

Mami looked down, "So you know what heartache feels like?"

"Yeah."

Mami leaned over, _Now's my chance to comfort her!_ She reached around with her arms, held Madoka, and stumbled with, "Don't worry, lovemuffin! I won't let anything like that happen to you! You're too precious!"

Madoka's face was red, "Eh!? Wha!?"

Mami let go, "Huh!? I . . . I'm sorry! I uh didn't mean that! Let's pretend that didn't happen!"

The two looked away for several seconds. Mami's voice broke in, "Want some help with your homework?"

" . . . Yeah."

* * *

><p>It was the evening when Madoka was walking home. "Tomoe-san's behavior sure was strange. It's almost like," She gasped, "She likes me! Am I going insane? Am I becoming the center of the universe for my girlfriends?" She then thought, "I know! I'll ask Mama! She always knows best!"<p>

Madoka arrived at her family home and let herself into the house. Her mother, Junko, was drinking hard liquor on the kitchen table. "Sup, babygirl!" She greeted.

"Hi Mama!" the daughter greeted.

"You've been coming home late lately, a ha ha ha!"

Madoka became nervous, "Oh yeah, huh? Well, good thing you said that, cuz I need to talk!" She sat down across from Junko.

Junko took a sip, "What's up?"

Madoka's face flashed pink, "Okay, remember the other day, we were talking about boys liking me?" _It's sort of like that_.

"Uh huh."

"Well, it turns out, that, there a couple of guys fighting over me."

"Uh oh!" Junko yelled out, "What'd I say!? Moe is the new shape of sexy! And to think, your teacher didn't believe me."

Madoka's face was cross, "Are you drunk, again?"

"Just slightly."

The daughter sighed, "But this is serious! They're some guys who want me, but I get the feeling that they're competing for my attention. What do I do?"

Junko put down her glass, "Do you like any of them?"

" . . . Maybe."

Junko leaned back, "Well, you're still young. You can still make mistakes at this point of your life, because you'll have time to bounce back and recover. If you wanna go out with any of these guys, go ahead. So long as you use protection, I won't mind."

_But, why would I need that when they're all_, "Uh, I'm getting sleepy. How 'bout we talk about this some other time, okay?"

"Sure." Junko took a swig, "If you have anymore questions, just come to me or your pop, okay?"

"Okay!" Madoka retreated to her bedroom, still uncertain of what to do next.

Omake #4: An inside look into the studio.

[x] "Princess Tutu was the greatest mahou shoujo ever, yet it is forever relegated to cult classic status. Why is that?"

[y] "Uh, people think it looks childish, and assume it would only be entertaining to three-year olds?"

[x] "Wrong! Because it violated one of the fundamental rules of mahou shoujo! 'There must be a lot of lesbian subtext, or actual lesbian relationships!'

[y] "Hey, you're right! Whoa, wait a minute, true, PT didn't have any yuri content, but there was still a lot of romance. Hetero romance, but statistically speaking, most people are hetero, so that would be more likely than two 'cousins' necking each other."

[x] "Idiot! That's not the point! Okay, look at Cardcaptor Sakura. What was one of its lessons? 'Love transcends everything.' Age, sex, social status, girl-on-magical-creature, heck, you had a teacher willing to wait for a cute little girl to be old enough to get married! Taboo relationships are what's hot!"

[y] "But isn't why PT is the best is because it _avoided_ cliches, such at this one?"

[x] Maybe, but what's important, in the long run, is that we make something familiar to the anime-watching masses out there, so therefore, in this new show, we'll make it seem like the token quiet girl wants to snuggle the token moe girl into oblivion. And don't worry, we'll get Uroduki to script it, so it won't feel half-assed either.

[y] Brilliant!

[x] Brilliant!

[Author's note: Alright, for all of my shilling of Princess Tutu, you're probably wondering, "Why don't you do a fanfic of that instead!?" In fact, you probably noticed I never do fanfics of things I love. Star Wars, Eureka Seven, Fullmetal Alchemist, I love these things, yet you don't see fanfics of them by me. Why? Because anything I do is doomed to suck compared to the canon. PT is no exception. To attempt to make something equal to those in quality . . . would be an exercise in futility.

That, and I understand the characters in Madoka better. Speaking of which, if we continue my visual novel metaphors from before, we are now past the "common route". From here on out, it's all endings in this zany experiment of mine. First up, Homura route! Why? Because . . . I support Madochin/Homerun. Or rather, I could see that plausibly happening more than anything else that could fall under the yuri label. From here on out, things are going to get . . . _interesting_.


	5. ERROR: DEAD END

[Author's Note: Oh No Not Madoka has been _cancelled_. A thousand apologies, I know. I have never cancelled a fanfic midway before today, but truth be told, I started this over a year ago, and have little to show for it.

But don't think I'm going to delete this project. I have . . . leftovers that I wish to share with you. This sudden last chapter will be hosted by a trusted friend of ours. He'll explain the rest for me . . . assuming he even is a "he" to begin with.]

An empty stage lay bare. Bright studio lights shone on the one prop on stage; a simple wooden stool. Sitting on top of that stool was a cat-like creature, "Good day, readers. I am Kyubey. I'm sure you're shocked by the sudden cancellation of this series. Well, you see, the author is not too versed in romantic comedies, be they run-of-the-mill hetero relationships, or Yuru Yuri ripoffs like these. (Please note, I am reading off a script the author prepared.)"

"This may account for the lack of proper closure, but there is some material he had created. First up was what he called the 'Homura' route. Earlier in chapter 3, Homura was looking up an online catalog for dresses. (FORESHADOWIIIIIIING!) If Madoka chose Homura, then Homura would have invited her on a 'date' of sorts to surprise her. Observe.

* * *

><p>Madoka was shocked. It was Homura, sure, but she looked radically different. For one, her hair was not in braids. It went straight down, but was held with a thin black headband...Madoka became flushed, "Is that really you, Homura-chan? You're so pretty!"<p>

Homura looked aside, "You think so?"

Madoka giggled, "Yeah, but, you didn't have to dress up just for me!"...

* * *

><p>Kyubey continued, "Somehow, this led to romance. Eventually, this would cut several years into the future. Using information from supplemental material of the actual canon, Madoka would become a veterinarian (slightly different from a doctor, but hey, a healer all the same) and Homura a psychologist. They would live together. Then, sometime when they're in their late twenties, tragedy would strike."<p>

* * *

><p>...Madoka stepped into the apartment, "I'm hoooome!~" She beamed.<p>

She headed for the kitchen, putting her belongings down on the counter, "I got some Juicy Karaage just like you asked for, Homura!" She then saw something out of the corner of her eye, "Hmm?" It looked like long black hair coming out of the corner of the kitchen floor. Madoka stepped around and-

-"HOMURA!"...

* * *

><p>Kyubey exposited, "Homura is sent to the hospital. There, she is listed as 'critical but stable'. Madoka visits and says that she learned that Homura might not survive. Full of tears, she hopes that Homura lives, yet if she doesn't, she's glad to have had at least many years together. Homura says the same right back. A few days later, Homura's body gives out, and she 'passes away' as you humans are wont to phrase it. Sometime after the funeral, two old classmates of theirs chat in a scene reminiscent of the canon."<p>

* * *

><p>It was late at night. Two patrons were sitting in a bar. One of them said to the other, "Did you go to the funeral for that girl in our class?"<p>

"Nah, but I read about it in the obituaries. I can't believe one of our own classmates is already dead."

"Yeah. I knew she had health problems, didn't think they were this bad."... "I've never seen anyone cry so much in my life. She must've really loved her."

* * *

><p>Kyubey said, "This was all slated to occur because, gasp, shock and awe, I wasn't around to grant Homura an imperfect immortality. If you'll recall from one of the audio CDs, Homura's health wasn't ideal before she became a Puella Magi. This was meant to make yours truly appear less evil."<p>

"After that failed attempt at ripping off Jun Maeda (I'm just reading what's on the script) came the 'Sayaka Route'. This would be less serious, but still end badly. In this chapter, it would start off like the Homura Route, only change Homura out for Sayaka. Sayaka in the future (Again, this is supposedly canon) a musician, though unsigned in this story. What would happen is, you know how the one called Sayaka Miki seemed awfully dependent on the support of the one called Kyousuke Kamijou? Our beloved author interpreted this as potential clinginess on Sayaka's part, and this clinginess would cause Sayaka and Madoka to separate. The author explained this in an A/N. Yes, he has written up part of an A/N, but not the actual story. Watch and see.

* * *

><p>[Author's Note: As I've said before, I see a lot of myself in Sayaka. So I thought, if she hooked up with Kyousuke, and if he, well, wasn't as enthusiastic about as love as her, she would most likely drive him crazy. Because, well, I'm very enthusiastic about romantic love, yet most people I know in real life don't seem to share my passion, or think "romance" is code for "sex". (romantic and sexual attraction are not the same, although it's possible to have both for a person, wink nudge) and I thought, maybe, maybe I would be unlucky. And so would she, even if you changed her intended partner.<p>

* * *

><p>Kyubey, unflinching throughout this entire performance, continued, "And then we hit the dealbreaker, the Mami route. As he has admitted here and elsewhere, our precious author has no idea how to interpret Mami Tomoe. As such, his potential outline for the Mami Route was . . . nothing. Absolutely nothing solid, anyway. In his own words."<p>

* * *

><p>I have too little from canon to draw from! With Homura, you've got . . . well, her entire backstory, "You were my very best friend!", and that scene in the PSP game where the Kaname family welcomes her. With Sayaka, you've got what I think is Madoka's first true friend, them holding hands in episode 3 (I saw that!), the joke in the first episode, but Mami? Well, I saw hand holding there too, but it didn't seem to be like "lover" kind of hand holding.<p>

* * *

><p>Kyubey read off, "And then there what was what he slated to be the 'True Route' chapter. This was supposed to showcase what would <em>really<em> happen if this scenario occurred, and the answer? Heartbreak. Madoka simply wasn't interested in girls in that way, so one by one, she breaks their hearts. I believe you humans would call this 'anti-climatic'. The author had a reason for ending like this, which he elaborated in an A/N he did not bother to finish.

* * *

><p>[Author's Note: . . . This all started because of another magical girl anime, one started by Akiyuki Shinbo no less. One day, I was perusing the Nanoha section right here on . Feeling bored, I looked up the reviews for one of the more popular fics here. There was a war raging, a so-called ship war. Before that day, I had never seen one of those first-hand, but <em>man<em>, was it vicious, "NanoFate is _canon!_" "Nanoha and Yuuno are the OTP! Stop deluding yourselves, you yuri fetishists!" And so on. But then I spotted a review that said, "Why are you all arguing over who Nanoha ends up with? What does that have to do with her, or the series in general? Nanoha doesn't _need_ a lover to be a heroine; she is still an interesting character. I for one prefer fics that don't have any such romance, since there was none in the canon, and honestly, I can't find it in her personality" And thus is my point here. Sure, it would be nice if Madoka, in some bizarro alternate reality, had a love interest, be it hetero or homo, but would it _really_ expand upon what the anime was trying to impress upon us, the audience?]

* * *

><p>"There was one last chapter slated after that, The Bonus Route. This would play out like a "Wrap Party", similar to those from the visual novel version of When the Cicadas Cry, otherwise known as Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni. It was intended to be silly and wreck the Fourth Wall as much as possible. He also slated to follow a reader's suggestion and have Kyoko try to steal Madoka's heart. He only completed bits and pieces of this bonus route."<p>

* * *

><p>The department store (or mall) in Mitakihara City was large, containing countless a number of stores, all ready to sell products to passing consumers. Inside one of the many establishments was a fast food restaurant. This was a popular hangout for many of the young people in Mitakihara, including the heroines of the proper canon.<p>

Although right now, instead of eating tasty food and gossiping about boys, Madoka, Sayaka, Homura, Mami, and Kyoko were instead hosting a party. In their school uniforms. For no one but themselves.

Music played as the girls danced, threw confetti, and giggled. Madoka faced the camera (just roll with it) and said, "Hi! Welcome to the end of 'Oh No, Not Me!' Now you see what happens when fans of my show do when they're bored and want to practice writing yuri!"

Sayaka stepped forward, "Although I find that to be a noble purpose. For too long has society repressed those who would rather fondle those of the same gender instead of the opposite! Let justice be done!"...

...Kyoko's eyes had become like stars when she looked at the pinkhead, "Snuggle meeeeeeee!"

"UWAAAAGH!" Madoka screamed as she narrowly avoided Kyoko's glomp.

Homura stood in-between Madoka and Kyoko, "You can't have her!" She bellowed.

"Outta the way, you ripoff of Ruri Hoshino!" Kyoko counteracted.

Sayaka, wearing a devious smile, reprimanded, "Tsk tsk, Kyoko-tan. Such jealousy is unbecoming of you!"

"Shut up!" (Weeaboo version, "Urusei!")

Sayaka said back, "Oh, don't fight it. What you're feeling is _normal_. (I should know.)"

* * *

><p>Kyubey concluded, "And this is all he was able to finish before he folded. The author says he does not want to take down this fanfic because there are, in his words, 'a few good zingers', and some of the information from here will be used in his next, and last, Puella Magi fanfiction series. This 'last fic' will not be posted on whatever website you're currently reading this. He says he'll post a link in his profile whenever he gets that off the ground. He is projecting a release in '2013', whenever that is."<p>

"If you still feel disheartened, remember, this is non-sanctioned fanon. You yourself could try to write your own conclusions to these 'routes' if you truly desired. Remember, I can grant any wish of yours; provided you can fill out and carryout the contract necessary for such a wish."

At that moment, the studio lights shut off. A red curtain closed across the theater. (What!? Akiyuki Shinbo does flourishes like that all the time! I'm just trying to be faithful as I walk away from something I just cancelled.)


End file.
